In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
