did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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