just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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