Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
