1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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