you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
