You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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