i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
sex in a hospital.. check
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
did i just pee glitter
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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