She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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