Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
