I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Are my feet made of real feet?
So squirting runs in the family.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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