Don't make out with my wife yet
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
