my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
