Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Never underestimate the power of titties
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
