he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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