dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
