Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
