Me. At least after what I've been through.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
