The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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