it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
