if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Found your dick twin last night
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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