Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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