cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
