Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You smell like stripper and shame
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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