also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
