the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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