i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
