Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
