if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
