im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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