Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize