You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
