All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
