I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We have started to decorate penises.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
