This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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