Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
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Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
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I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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