using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I understand Curling. That high.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
