accomplished twins. life is a go
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
