hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
