I wanna bring you to show and tell
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
