Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
