There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
