apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
