she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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