is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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