Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
