Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm experimenting with sincerity
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