i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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