sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
