Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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