Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
