If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
