two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Randomize
