Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I yelled at your uterus for you.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
