They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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