I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
