some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
tell me about the fingering
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
