omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
