A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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