so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
