clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
