At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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