I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
