I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
