hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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