Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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