WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize