guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize