I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
