Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
