seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
