FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
