so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Randomize
