i permit you to call me
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
