I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
