Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
