i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
