Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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