how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
